When your loved one won’t be home for Christmas

Photo Sep 15, 6 25 47 PM

It just happened again!

I was crying in my car as I heard ” I’ll be home for Christmas” and the reality hit me that my mom won’t be home this year.

I won’t be opening the doors of her home and seeing the beautiful decorated tree.

I won’t be seeing that smiling face of hers or eating dinner at her house on Christmas eve.

My children won’t be opening tons of presents from Grandma and ripping open the wrapping all night.

My Mom won’t be home for Christmas and maybe you have lost a special someone too?

Here are a few things to do when your loved one won’t be home for Christmas either-

1.) Please have snow and mistletoe and presents on the tree!

It’s important to try to keep going with the special things that bring joy at Christmas. Your loved one would not want you to sit in a heap of tears and not bring out the Christmas tree or decorations because you are sad. Just the opposite! They would want you to keep having the celebrations of life and loving those who meant so much to them.

This year, in their memory, deck the halls of your home and find new ways to celebrate with new  traditions that bring you joy.

Memories are a gift your loved one would want you to unwrap each year! Click To Tweet“]

2.) Christmas Eve will find me, where the love light gleams

On the event of Christmas eve, it’s hard not to have the physical presence of the person you love at Christmas. I know this sounds silly, but light a candle in their memory and let it shine at a place of honor in your home. Grief is the pain you feel when you lose someone, but mourning is the healthy, outward expression of that loss. Jesus spoke the best grief counseling and promise to those hurting at the holiday. ” Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted!”
This year, in memory of your loved one, light a candle and

Let the love light gleam to symbolize the light of their love in your heart. Click To Tweet
No darkness of depression can overcome the light of love in your life. Click To Tweet

3.) I’ll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams – I would like to end with a poem about a first Christmas in heaven. Your loved one is celebrating a dream Christmas in heaven. Don’t worry about them missing out or feeling sad. What they are experiencing is far beyond your wildest dreams!

Christmas in Heaven

by Wanda Bencke

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven’s stars, reflecting on the snow
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can’t compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart
But I am not so far away, we really aren’t apart.

Buy at Art.com
Heavenly Angels

So be happy for me, dear ones, you know I hold you dear.
And be glad I’m spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I sent you a special gift, from my heavenly home above. I sent you a memory of my undying love. Click To Tweet“]
After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do
For I can’t count the blessing or love he has for each of you
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear
Remember, I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

Blessings to you this Christmas ! If you have a prayer need, please let me know in the comments! Thank you !

What is fencing you in and holding you back?


It was Mother’s Day and I could feel my moment coming on.

My heart still hurts on this day because of the loss of my mother/best friend over four years ago. As I  drove home from the Florida Keys and viewed the light aqua blue water, I pulled over on the side of the road to mourn the loss of my mother for just a moment. Aqua was her favorite color.

As I tried to look out over the beautiful water , A BIG GIANT FENCE was erected  on the side of the road preventing me from seeing the beauty. GRRRRRRRRR!!!!

I felt fenced in from expressing my loss in that moment, the same way I felt fenced in years ago following her death. I faked a lot of ” I’m fine” and hid my hurt that  took me years to uncover.  As much as I rejoice in her going to heaven, I still want a mommy on Mother’s Day and would give anything for just one moment with her.

You would think I would be “over it” but that is not the way grief works.

Express don’t Repress! 

In an New York Times article The Trauma of Every Day Life, Mark Epstien psychiatrist and author, explains that trauma of grief NEEDS to be talked about and NEVER completely goes away. In his adapted words, “Perhaps it softens over time but there is a rush to normal in many of us that closes us off. Mourning, (expressing your loss), has no timetable. ”

In my words, healthy ,strong Christian women need to Express our loss instead of Repress our pain!

It is so easy to feel fenced in to hiding our pain instead of letting others see that our emotional pain is actually part of our healing process in life. God has woven deep emotions into the heart of every person.  Sadness is just as acceptable as our joy . Because of the way God designed us, expressing our sadness in mourning is  the pathway to our ultimate rejoicing.

Jesus spoke this wisdom in the Bible before the article in the New York Times. He did not fence people in with the demand to fake joy when sad.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

What is the fence in your way ?

What is fencing you in to act normal when you are really not completely over a loss?

Is it the fence of fear that others might judge you as unholy or ungrateful of  the hope of heaven?

Is it the fence of sadness that you may never stop crying if you even let your heart begin this process?

Is it the fence of anger that you are stuck in a life you don’t really like without the person you loved?

No matter what the emotional fence, TRUE MOURNING will allow your heart the freedom to rise above the pain and find a new purpose…

We serve a God who can handle the hurt in our hearts and is honored in our process of letting Him and others know our pain.

As we mourn our feelings,  we become vulnerable to the truth that we need God to help us heal.


As my husband drove up next to me in another car, he saw me standing behind the fence.

I looked at him and said frustrated , “I can’t get my picture of the water from here.”

He yelled as the cars were swooshing by”Get on the top of the car and I will go with you on the other car! We can get a clear shot from a different view. ”


In broad day light, on the side of the road, I climbed on top of my minivan with God , my children and a few hundred cars flying by me. I stood on top of the van and held my hands up in the air toward heaven, as the sun warmed my face looking up into the sky. I closed my eyes and almost felt heaven touch my soul with  warmth and complete love.

In that moment, I felt complete peace and joy with the freedom to let anyone know I still miss my mommy in heaven.

I pray you will not be afraid to have your moment.

Don’t let fear fence you in from the peace of sharing your pain

Don’t let sadness keep you from the joy that is waiting as you painfully process your loss

Don’t let anger block you from the power that God is able to give you to repurpose your heart and redirect your future.