What is fencing you in and holding you back?


It was Mother’s Day and I could feel my moment coming on.

My heart still hurts on this day because of the loss of my mother/best friend over four years ago. As I  drove home from the Florida Keys and viewed the light aqua blue water, I pulled over on the side of the road to mourn the loss of my mother for just a moment. Aqua was her favorite color.

As I tried to look out over the beautiful water , A BIG GIANT FENCE was erected  on the side of the road preventing me from seeing the beauty. GRRRRRRRRR!!!!

I felt fenced in from expressing my loss in that moment, the same way I felt fenced in years ago following her death. I faked a lot of ” I’m fine” and hid my hurt that  took me years to uncover.  As much as I rejoice in her going to heaven, I still want a mommy on Mother’s Day and would give anything for just one moment with her.

You would think I would be “over it” but that is not the way grief works.

Express don’t Repress! 

In an New York Times article The Trauma of Every Day Life, Mark Epstien psychiatrist and author, explains that trauma of grief NEEDS to be talked about and NEVER completely goes away. In his adapted words, “Perhaps it softens over time but there is a rush to normal in many of us that closes us off. Mourning, (expressing your loss), has no timetable. ”

In my words, healthy ,strong Christian women need to Express our loss instead of Repress our pain!

It is so easy to feel fenced in to hiding our pain instead of letting others see that our emotional pain is actually part of our healing process in life. God has woven deep emotions into the heart of every person.  Sadness is just as acceptable as our joy . Because of the way God designed us, expressing our sadness in mourning is  the pathway to our ultimate rejoicing.

Jesus spoke this wisdom in the Bible before the article in the New York Times. He did not fence people in with the demand to fake joy when sad.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

What is the fence in your way ?

What is fencing you in to act normal when you are really not completely over a loss?

Is it the fence of fear that others might judge you as unholy or ungrateful of  the hope of heaven?

Is it the fence of sadness that you may never stop crying if you even let your heart begin this process?

Is it the fence of anger that you are stuck in a life you don’t really like without the person you loved?

No matter what the emotional fence, TRUE MOURNING will allow your heart the freedom to rise above the pain and find a new purpose…

We serve a God who can handle the hurt in our hearts and is honored in our process of letting Him and others know our pain.

As we mourn our feelings,  we become vulnerable to the truth that we need God to help us heal.


As my husband drove up next to me in another car, he saw me standing behind the fence.

I looked at him and said frustrated , “I can’t get my picture of the water from here.”

He yelled as the cars were swooshing by”Get on the top of the car and I will go with you on the other car! We can get a clear shot from a different view. ”


In broad day light, on the side of the road, I climbed on top of my minivan with God , my children and a few hundred cars flying by me. I stood on top of the van and held my hands up in the air toward heaven, as the sun warmed my face looking up into the sky. I closed my eyes and almost felt heaven touch my soul with  warmth and complete love.

In that moment, I felt complete peace and joy with the freedom to let anyone know I still miss my mommy in heaven.

I pray you will not be afraid to have your moment.

Don’t let fear fence you in from the peace of sharing your pain

Don’t let sadness keep you from the joy that is waiting as you painfully process your loss

Don’t let anger block you from the power that God is able to give you to repurpose your heart and redirect your future.




A Practice of Prayer recycles pain

Prayer recycles paina repurposed heart

What was your plan that hit the can?  Was it a lost dream, marriage or friendship? As women it is so easy for our emotions to make us feel trashed with the fear of failure and insecurity of lost relationships.  Today, will you consider opening your hands and letting go of trying to be in control of that plan?

I know it hurts but be encouraged!

God’s purpose will be accomplished in you and through you, regardless of this situation.

Admitting to painful emotions is the first step unraveling their power.

Following my mother’s death, God revealed to me that I had to get my heart in the right place –

 In a figurative sense, the recycling bin of prayer is the place for my heart to seek healing changes not a trashcan. I began to view my prayer time as the place where I would sit to sort through my painful emotions with God, one by one. With tears streaming down, it was not a pretty process but it was life giving.  Most counselors will agree: You can’t heal from it, if you won’t deal with it!

Here’s my simple recycling prayer:

God I feel_( insert emotion)_________________ about (situation _________________________ because.( insert your feelings about the situation)

Help me to trust you with this!


I found the practice of confessing my painful emotions before God gave me the ability to see answers in his word.  When I admitted I felt helpless, God’s word told me God would hold me together.( Ps 57:1-3the message) When I admitted I was lonely, the words of Jesus seemed to whisper, I will never leave you or forsake you!


Is there a deep hurt that you have never admitted to God? Don’t be afraid to pray a recycling bin prayer before the one who can change your heart. I am a friend to remind you that God is not afraid of any hurt you give Him.  It is in the messy emotional state of feeling trashed that we often find the message that will change the world by faith.